I've already gone through all of the stages of loss: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Despair and now, Acceptance. I'm so beyond feeling sorry for myself and wasting energy on hating my old boss. I still do, I just don't think about it anymore. A month ago, I felt like the world was on my shoulders. I couldn't sleep for all the worrying I was doing. Unfortunately, I could eat. And then I would get mad at myself for eating my feelings because it's a lot harder to get a job if you don't look gorgeous. Isn't that sad? I think so. An unfortunate truth.
Two weeks ago I had a call from an old contact wondering if I'd be interested in a new opportunity in her field. I would! I was ecstatic! She emailed the desired skill-set to me; I was a perfect fit. I interviewed the very next day. It all went so smoothly, I could tell I was completely nailing the interview and it turned out the interviewer (my would-be-boss) is connected to my very best former boss ever. So, I knew the amazing reference would seal the deal. After a two-hour interview, I was exhausted but went home on cloud nine, positive that the universe is balanced and everything always works out in the end. Or does it?
My old boss called me later that afternoon, all excited, and told me about the spectacular reference she gave me, that the new boss was so enthusiastic about me, and that she was sure they'd be making me an offer before the end of business that day. She said at the very least, she'd be shocked if I didn't hear something by the next day. I thought so, too! I had sent my "thank you" emails the minute I got home and late that afternoon received the "Your reference was awesome, I enjoyed talking with you, let's talk salary" email and thought it was really going to happen. Well, I heard nothing else that day, or the next, or the next, or the next. And then it was the weekend, so I waited until Monday. Nothing.
So Monday afternoon I called, had to leave a message on voicemail and followed up with an email. I got a response the next day "I need to connect with so-and-so to discuss next steps, sorry for the delay", etc. Not a total brush-off, but not exactly encouraging, either. I had a bad feeling that this person, though a VP and incredibly successful, may not be comfortable having uncomfortable discussions. It could be any number of things: they're not creating the position after all, my salary request was too high, they're interviewing other candidates, or maybe they really do think I'm great and I'm just antsy because I've been out of work for a third of a year. Whatever the reason, it's been two weeks and I still don't know whether or not I have the job that they really needed to start last Monday.
I wanted this job sooo bad. I was so excited about the opportunity and my mind was churning with all sorts of creative ideas for it. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll come through after all, but I've really done everything I can do and it's in Lady Luck's hands now. Unfortunately, she just doesn't like me very much. My little brother got all of the luck in the family. I am the girl that nothing ever works out for and I have finally come to accept that. I have a pretty good day here and there, but I need to temper my expectations a bit. I want life to be vibrant and exciting and my career to be challenging and rewarding. I think instead of hoping and wishing that things will be super awesome, I should expect them to be just okay. That way, when they are super awesome, I'll take notice but when things are just okay, I won't feel so disillusioned.
Oh, but how badly I wanted it to work out this time!
