So, People DO Change?

I'm sure all women (at least my age and younger) have read He's Just Not That Into You and can unequivocally vouch for the truth in those pages.  I think Liz Tuccillo is hilarious (and didn't get enough credit for that book). I completely understand the basic concept.  If he doesn't call or commit or whatever it is that he isn't doing for you, with you or to you, he's just not that into you.  SO true.  And, likewise, fellas.

As a serial dater, I'm really not that hurt when he's not that interested and we part ways.  I'm usually not that interested in him, either.  I'm picky.  But when I have dated someone for a significant period of time (for me, three months is in that category) and we stop seeing each other, I'd like for him to move to another continent and never call me again.  That's what I really mean when I tell someone to "drop dead" - inside I'm saying "I hope you move to Antarctica", not "I hope you have angina."  I have to stop saying that to people.

I dated a guy in 2004 for three or four months.  He was so unbelievably difficult.  He hated crowds, he hated any corporation, he hated pop culture, hated chinese food, hated food with seasoning in general,  hated all of the music that I listened to. He was pleasant at parties and all my friends loved him.  (That was sarcasm.)  He hated sarcasm, hated going to the movies, hated going to concerts, hated "defined" relationships, hated pets, hated holidays, hated kids, hated couples, hated dining out, hated the internet.  It was like dating a good-looking unabomber. Wondering why we went out for three months?  One guess...the one thing he did like.

He had no job, no home, a beat up old car, no money and no direction in life.  (I feel like I need to stress here how handsome he was.)  I'd had my fill of his miserable company, so I broke up with him.  And over the years, he has resurfaced every now and then, usually for one thing.  Thanks to modern technology, he connected with me on facebook.  Thanks to consistent stupidity, I "friended" him.

It was great at first.  Same miserable guy, he moved to Texas.... not Antarctica but good enough for me.  And then he started to evolve.  And I did NOT like it.  He started his own company.  He bought a new car.  He bought a DOG!  WHAT!?  Three things that flew in the face of his annoying beliefs.  And in my ability to believe that I'd at least dodged a bullet when we didn't work out. Then, the worst thing happened.  He met a woman and fell in love. And it's all over facebook.  He loves everything.  They recently went on a few weekend trips together, they dance weekly at the salsa club (seriously!?!) where they met, he brought her home to meet his family, they take loads of "happy couple" pictures and now they have bought a house together and have announced an engagement.  So, the truth is, he's just that into her.

So many times I've wanted to comment "but you always hated that" but I can't do it.  I can't do it to the girl he does love and I can't do it because I really am the girl who loves everything and I am too nice.  I love everything that he hated and deep down inside, beneath the "drop dead" is a little kernel of gladness for his crummy evolution.  And beneath that kernel is another one that knows he's in love now, but in a few years, he'll probably be back to hating everything.  As a girl, though, no matter how sure I am that this guy is one miserable party-pooper, I can't help but wonder what it is that she has that I didn't?  I hope they'll be very happy together.  And I hope their new home is in Antarctica.

Image credit: Megan W Photography http://meganwblog.com